If you be my star

procrastination.. I have a final on wednesday =(

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:04:08 GMT

Let's start it off with, are you available?
yes indeed

What school does the last person you kissed attend?
penn

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
yes

Have you ever thought you were gonna die?
i think it's pretty inevitable, so yeah

What are you currently hearing right now?
girl talk

Is it hard for you to get over someone?
it was initially... now I think I forget people too easily (except this one person...)

Were you happy when you woke up today?
no.. I had 6 hours of the sleep total in the previous 3 nights and was still shi-tired (yeahhh spring fling!)

Do you keep a planner?
yes, but I don't actually use it

What kind of mood are you in today?
anxious, unwilling to do work

Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
nope

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
adria

Will this weekend be a good one?
we'll see? finals studying plus end of the year parties.

What's on your schedule for tomorrow?
wake up
chemical engineering
math
physics
food break + music
physics homework, study for quiz
rugby practice
shower
study for chem final
food break
study for math exam
procrastinating
study for chem final
pass out while watching another terrible movie on hulu

How late did you stay up last night and why?
10pm because I was so fucking tired and I slept until 7am

Do you miss anyone?
yes

What did you realize today?
i need money

Is there anything in your past that you'd like to do again?
yes, go skydiving, relive some beautiful moments

If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?
yes

Do you have a friend that is a complete and total flirt around everyone?
yes... she even flirts with me!

Would you rather go back a week or go forwards?
forwards, forwards, forwards

Are you in a good mood right now?
not particularly... but now my roommate is out of the shower! yay!

Which of your parents did you see last?
mommy

You stand how tall from the ground?
between 5'6"

Can you count your serious relationships on one hand?
never had a serious one

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
heh... one too many times

Do you hope your children are like you one day?
only the good things

Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?
yes. it was upsetting, believe it or not.

Would you ever smile at a stranger?
sometimes I don't have a choice in the service industry

How long have you liked the person you do?
since thanksgiving break

Can you describe your father in one word?
amazing

What ringtone do you currently have on your cell phone?
fly like paper get high like planes

Have you ever thrown a shoe at someone?
of course

Are you one of those Twilight crazy people?
no, but i do enjoy looking at robert pattinson

How often do you raise your hand in class and answer a question?
only when i feel that i REALLY need to understand something

Do you have a backup cell phone if yours breaks, or gets lost, etc
no..?

How did you and your number 1 become friends?
I have his DNA?

Have you held hands with anyone recently?
pretty much all the people I danced with and/or slept with this weekend

Do you call people douchebags?
no, but fuckers, yes

December, what was your love life like?
hectic

Do you have someone who you can completely be yourself around?
yes

Will this week be good?
idk, i'd rather have an answer hit me in the face - more interesting that way

Have you ever thought you liked someone and then found out that you really didn't?
yes

Expecting something to change in the next month?
i'm making a few lifestyle changes for reading days...

Is there a guy that you can go to in sweats, hair a mess, no makeup?
yes, one of my hallmates

Do you think relationships are hard?
yes

Are you going to any dances soon?
damn straight

Do you like hugs?
yes, from certain people only though... they have to meaningful, not casual and fleeting

Do you like competition?
it drives me like nothing else can

Ever kissed a brown haired, dark eyed person?
like 8

Do you enjoy wearing dresses?
if i feel pretty and thin that day, then yes

Has anyone seen you in your underwear?
thank god you're not asking for a number...

What is the last movie you watched?
ps i love you

When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
can't remember

When did you first get Facebook?
11th grade maybe

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
weiren

Who was the last person you hugged?
michelle

Do you have family you never met?
not nuclear...

Are your friends older or younger?
older (for once!) and younger

How many letters are in your last name?
five

Have you ever finished a Rubik's Cube?
nah

When's the next time you'll see your closest friend?
tomorrow

Do you currently have a hickey?
yes

Is there a guy/girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
yes

Do you remember the person you first kissed?
yes... it was awkward enough to remember

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
I've never kissed someone i WAS dating

Last phone call you made?
mommy!

Last time you worked?
winter break

Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
the last night I kissed people, yes, the last person I kissed that night.... no

Do you like someone right this second?
yes

Would you ever get a tattoo?
i would like to at some point

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
probably, but no

Last song you sang out loud?
colors of the wind lol

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
mommy

Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
the wrestler torrent

What are you looking forward to this summer?
backpacking in alaska!

Last song played more than three times in a row?
circus by britney

Does someone love you?
at least 3

When's the next time you will kiss somebody?
this weekend probably

If your best friend liked your ex, what would you do?
nothing but encourage her... the only person i was ever "with" was more like a summer fling

When is the last time you were in a photo-booth taking pictures with friends?
summer 2008

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
michelle

Do you have a favorite pair of shoes? If so, what are they?
my sneakers make me free

Would you rather spend the day in the mountains or at the beach?
mountains

Is it important for you to have a drink of some kind while eating?
no I can drink before or after

What kind of pen do you prefer to write with?
really fine blue ink

How seriously do you or did you take school?
enough in high school, not nearly enough in college

Why aren't you with the person you want?
because he's a playa

Have you ever made out with someone who was high?
haha good question...

Is there any meaning behind your profile song?
currently blank

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
yes

Is your birthday on a holiday?
no

Who was the last person to text you & what did it say?
susan- "hey, tomorrow is better"

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
depends

Did you enjoy your day yesterday?
YES FLING 2009 BABY

Did the last person you kissed have a tattoo?
i don't know

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
yes

Do you like Red Bull?
no

When was the last time you had pizza?
can't remember

Does anyone think you are a bitch?
i bet

Had a friendship end recently that you wish hadn't?
no

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
reasonable, unless i'm going out to party... I need to get hyped

Are you a forgiving person?
depends on the offense

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
no

Do you wish you could tell someone something big, but can't?
yes

What were you doing at 1 AM this morning?
sleeping

Closest blue object to you?
pen cap (of a black pen haha)

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
no

Any weekend plans?
finish all my fucking work and get hammered

Do you have any bruises? From what ?
rugby

What is tomorrow?
tuesday..

Do you think you should be on medication?
no

Does anyone like you?
my friends and family.. and maybe some other people too ;)

Do you think you could live without a cell phone?
no

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
i'm not the most upstanding citizen

Are you excited for anything?
summer 09

Who did you last message on facebook?
not sure probably some combo of penn peeps

Whats bothering you ?
academics, this guy

hah..

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 09:33:43 GMT

so this is what LJ has been for. here we go, let's see how innocent I am. and yes, this is because I can't sleep.

hmm... lets see how innocent i am.

Innocence Percentage:

Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as your __% innocent.
Now you must tag 20 people, and fill this out.

01. Smoked
02. Drank alcohol.
03. Cried when someone died.
04. Been drunk.
05. Had sex.
06. Been to a concert.
07. Gotten/given a hand job.
08. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
09. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 91%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a Wal-Mart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or received a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 84%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done drugs.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 75%

31. Played strip poker/darts/pool.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Made beans.
40. Been in love.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 71%

41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 64%

51. Watched a person die.
52. Kissed somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Made spicy beans.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed Goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 58%

61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 52%

71. Been caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 50%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 2 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 43%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Left a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.

FINAL PERCENTAGE: 38%

...bullshit. that's even lower than my lowest midterm score..

Just wanted to say bye

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:10:54 GMT

goodbye, livejournal. having two blogs is annoying. sorry.

why I had logged in earlier.. heh

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 05:03:05 GMT

Today I realized I was being a homebody and then wanted to kill myself. not really, but I decided I needed to get out. I'm kind of disillusioned with some people, and I think I romanticized what seeing some old friends would be like. It's been fun and everything, it's just a lot, and I feel like we have such different interests all of a sudden so plans just don't work out.

But yeah.. so I got out by going to Piermont to take some pictures, and then went down to memorial park to people watch. what happened next really surprised me and showed me how disillusioned I really am: I saw some friends walking by and pretended I didn't notice them. I was far away, and walking up the hill to meet someone at Starbucks. I guess they didn't notice me either, which kind of surprised me as well. I just don't really understand how I felt.

So I got to Starbucks, chatted for a while, and then went back home. That was my main interaction for the day, and I was okay with it... I'm becoming a recluse. The only other person I really wanted to see more of was Davy, and he left the country tonight so now I am ready to go back to Penn. I wish I could just go now. I have seen enough of this, I'm bored. While the truth is that I could be doing so much, I'm just too selective about who to spend my time with. I don't know how serious of a problem this is. Maybe my vision of what I wanted break to be like was too strong. I feel like life has become so bleak. What a way to start of the new year. I feel like I need to go and my fresh new year start at Penn now. I need some more excitement and I need it now. I need to be busy doing important things. Tasks and events here feel so plastic.

I knew I would get sucked in eventually

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 03:49:34 GMT

1. what did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
went to college, voted, cut over 100 classes, mooned over 100 people, skinny dipped with the opposite sex, made out with people I didn't know, got drunk in my house, met someone in a bus... lots of stuff. it was some year.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't have any but made some for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no

5. What countries did you visit?
Spain

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
a good GPA, an internship, and mileage on more trails

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
11/4! OBAMA!!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating high school? but I had somehow expected that... Oh! getting into mad colleges.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing to meet people in the middle, let alone go the extra yard

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
sprained ankle - on crutches, severe cold/fever chills - emergency room, like 3 colds while in college, viral bronchitis... wow this is sad..

11. What was the best thing you bought?
a ticket to Spain

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Obama. Biden. cool cats like that.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?
uh some people in school, my own, scandalous politicians

14. Where did most of your money go?
tuition

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
college, the election

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Get Low and Under Pressure. Whatever You Like, Shake It, and other songs that came out in 2008.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? I don't know. I'm pretty disillusioned right now.
thinner or fatter? about the same.
richer or poorer? far poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
time management, planning ahead. being truthful and open

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
let myself get bored by not getting busy. partying. thinking about guys.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
driving home from Georgia

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2008?
lol saying no to sex

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
no

23. How many one-night stands?

24. What were your favorite TV programs?
Man v. Wild, Daria, Gargoyles, Family Guy, the Colbert Report

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no

26. What was the best book you read?
East of Eden, or Ragtime... or the Alchemist. idk!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The National, rediscovered Pink Floyd and Fionn Regan.

28. What did you want and get?
college admissions, guys. yup, pretty shallow.

29. What did you want and not get?
a nose ring, people who I can talk to without being judged so harshly

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I saw Requiem for a Dream for the first time. Slumdog Millionaire was fabulous.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 18 and went to a fencing meet. hung out with friends and family... nothing memorable.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
feeling good about myself. (wow, I am in such a crappy mood and this is making it much worse..)

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
uhhh...

34. What kept you sane?
music. people. kissing.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Obama

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
gay marriage

37. Who did you miss?
my close friends, plus people who I never ever thought I'd miss

38. Who was the best new person you met?
college friends and Davy

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008
be honest with myself and others

new year, religion, love

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 06:28:25 GMT

New Year's Eve was awesome. fucking freezing, but awesome. I was able to stay up till 7 partly because of the night before I got knocked out around 6. I'm so glad I wasn't at one of those parties that got crashed, but I didn't see the fireworks, which would've been cool since I've never seen them. Hopefully next year will be warmer, and maybe I'll spend time in Nyack before going to the city.

I was never big on making resolutions for the new year. I always just made resolutions when I felt I needed to. I have random spiritual, physical, and academic revivals. And now, it happens that I really feel that I need to make some changes. I think that for New Years, people only make one big one, but I'm sure. If that is some sort of rule, I'm going to violate it.
1) Do every single problem set. stop wasting time. be more selective about what I choose to do. basically, do work.
2) Not go out unless I do work.
3) Get less wasted when I go out.
4) Hit the gym at least several times a week.
5) Be more routine oriented in general.

Religion. Let's see.. I'm not big on super organized, strict religion. It's nice to have a moral code, a way of life, something to believe in strongly, and a purpose. this all seems reasonable, but I think there are some unreasonable ways of pursuing these things. I think religion is a nice guide, and is nice to have when I need something to help clear my mind and get things straight, but it's not a controlling factor in my life, or not even a component of my weekly life or routine.
I was raised Sikh but never learned the language very well so I have limited knowledge and understanding because a lot is lost in translation. I had an Athiest phase in 8th and 9th grade, a religious revival in 10th grade, and became Agnostic in 11th grade. Now, I'm unsure. I am certainly spriritual and like to take time to reflect on life and the world not as parts of me, but things that I fit into.
I believe in Sikh history and the Gurus, and generally agree with the ethical code basics. I am no upright, moral Sikh, but the ideas seem reasonable for one trying to achieve, or become, what I believe is pure, though I have no such goal myself. I think of this purity and goodness as something admirable and worthy of effort, but not for me.
Sikhism has enough influence on me such that I cannot imagine marrying someone who is not of the same culture. Too much is lost in translation when comes to that stuff. Now, I think I can call myself an Agnostic Sikh because I have many Sikh values and the culture means very much to me.
Yet, I do have ideas on what God, if there is one, might be like. I think of one God who is all-encompassing, the God of everyone. Not a person high up or anything, but not even a person. Just an air that sees everyone, everywhere. Ik Onkar, satnam, katra purakh, nir bhau, nir vair.. it's hard to explain it all in English. God's name is Truth, he is kind, encourages charity... basically all the Sikh ideas about God except I don't believe in reincarnation. I think that we are just humans with bodies and brains, and we have no "souls" or "sprits" that keep going when our bodies decease. This might pose a problem in my thinking though... what would God's purpose be, if he exists? I really don't know. Maybe it would be to oversee his creations - the world, all of nature. I don't think of a God that interferes at all. I think he might just be a shoulder to lean on for those in need, a representation of truth and purity, a spiritual provider. When I say spritual, by the way, I just mean the way a person feels and how they connect with everyone and everything around them, like a bond with the world - in touch with this inherent bond versus not being very in touch with it.
Sorry, that was much longer than I meant for it to be.

Love. Recently, I’ve been having an increased number of conversations about emotions, especially lust, attraction, and attachment, and I’ve been reading pertinent notes and posts, which stimulated an intellectual curiosity in love and eroticism. So, I decided to look up love. Platonic, romantic, erotic... paraphilian even. In my reading, mainly of intriguing Wiki articles, I learned about the sets of chemicals released in our brains when we feel love - which have an effect similar to that of amphetamines on our bodies, the 64 positions in the Kama Sutra (which is not even half erotic-themed), the numerous Greek terms defining different types of love to which I wish English had equivalents, and much more. Aside from all that, I made very few conclusions about love. Love is overthought. We just need more words to describe what we actually feel when we use love. I use love pretty loosely, for lack of better words. There are so many ways to love someone. But I do wish there was one word to describe something of a more special connection between two people, though I've never had what I hope love is. I've never really been in a serious relationship might be why. But now, that's just not what I want. I have hopes, but for much later in life. I'm not eager for that type of love, and I feel like a lot of people are. I mean, it's nice to think about one day truly loving someone, but I don't want everything I fantasize about to become reality anytime soon, if ever. If we are all looking for love, if love is all we need, then my interpretation of love in that context is just a feeling of being accepted, appreciated, and having such appreciation - of different sorts, be creativity, wit, body, grind, etc. - reciprocated. If I really appreciate some part of someone, I cannot just say I love a specific thing about them and that I do not love the person. That seems contradictory somehow, because love in the context of loving something in particular isn't that strong of a word anyway. And here I am overanalyzing every use of the word. I'll just end here and hope this paragraph conveys something.

btw, The Reader was very good. I saw it with Jay, and we kind of hit it off.. so random. lol. flings are always fun.
I'm pretty pissed because I missed The Bad Plus tonight, and need to try to go either tomorrow or the day after, and both nights are kind of inconvenient for me. Also, my skiing plans got fucked. I'll need to make other plans. which won't be difficult, just annoying, because those were things I was really looking forward to. oh well.

Georgia!

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 04:28:08 GMT

I'm in Clayton, northern GA. and it rocks. We're staying at a resort surrounded by beautiful lakes, trails, alpine villages, and antique shops. I love it. I feel like I'm in a new dimension - not in school, not at home, not preoccupied with obligations... it's really relaxing, but it's almost as if something is missing. Time is escaping through my fingertips like sand and I don't know why. I feel like I'm not absorbing it, rather unfeelingly living my life? I don't really know how to explain it, but it's a bit empty, even though incredible.

I'm coming home on Friday, and we're going to a bhangra party on Saturday, so all day will be getting ready, and we'll be back late, and I'm pretty excited about it. It's with the Patvari family, and I love them so much. They're the family with whom we do Thanksgiving and summer vacations.

The day after that, CELINA COMES BACK!! epic hug session will be in order. I'm gonna try and get people together sometime, maybe as surprise for her, but mad people are away, and it'll be close to New Years Eve since she needs to family-it for a couple of days. On the 30th, Ali Ababwa returns, so maybe that's a prime day for surprising Celina? we'll see.

So for New Years Eve, we've finally decided on plans. We're going to another bhangra party in the city, and it'll be awesome. so excited. I love how my parents let me drink in front of them and other Indian parents. It's really amazing. I love them so much. (Of course, I wouldn't get any more than tipsy in front of such crowds anyway.)

2009.. ah.. a new year. I never did the resolution thing, but I might this ear. I'll need to think quite deeply about my resolutions. Events that should follow new years are a visit to school and the fencing coaches, perhaps lunch with Cossette (God I miss her), a show and dinner with the parents, maybe a date to the Russian Tea Room (!!), skiing with the fab four, seeing Ari Hoenig (lol my parents loved him the first time) or maybe even the Bad Plus (in that case I'd go with friends.. Ali?), and hopefully building a snowman or something with Nick. He is too cute. and I must see how his puppy is growing!

Things I have been avoiding talking about... I'm ignoring Ken's calls. *awkward* no, really, it's just me being avoidant, and it won't be awkward after we talk about it. I just liked how we were. Temptation fucking kills everything. Also, with Mario, I wish he would get the fuck out of my head. I can't honestly read five pages without feeling him. While watching Basic Instinct, I imagined me and him. Maybe I'm just hyper-sexual.. for a girl? I need to count how many times I've been told that I'm like a guy when it comes to sex..

switching topics quickly, my mom and I had this amazing conversation the other day about world religions and I found out how open she is (not to me of course, just with others). It made me happy for the entire day. and then I realized I haven't been beaten in a quite a while. lol. I read some chemistry that day and compared agitated molecules to tipsy people. 'twas fun.

I had something else to say, but I forgot. anyway, I'll end this with snips of a conversation about pasta.

girlWITHgranola (11:15:34 PM): lol well i like my pasta with some flare

girlWITHgranola (11:15:48 PM): like tri-color pasta with pesto or something

girlWITHgranola (11:15:51 PM): idk

Xu Il Jiang (11:16:03 PM): hahaha

Xu Il Jiang (11:16:09 PM): that sounds fun

girlWITHgranola (11:16:16 PM): EXACTLY

Xu Il Jiang (11:16:17 PM): is tri-colored pasta whole grain?

girlWITHgranola (11:16:33 PM): not usually, no

girlWITHgranola (11:16:47 PM): although whole grain pasta isn't half bad

girlWITHgranola (11:16:48 PM): haha

Xu Il Jiang (11:16:56 PM): I love whole grain pasta!

girlWITHgranola (11:17:38 PM): lol its ok

Xu Il Jiang (11:17:57 PM): I like the consistemcy a lot better

girlWITHgranola (11:18:49 PM): you got me there

girlWITHgranola (11:18:54 PM): it does feel good in your mouth

Xu Il Jiang (11:20:05 PM): mhm

Xu Il Jiang (11:20:16 PM): it's not such a dull color either

girlWITHgranola (11:20:49 PM): hehe

Another one...

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:15:57 GMT

What book are you reading? Ragtime. Never got around to it. Hopefully I'll get to read The Brothers Karamazov this break too.

What time is now? 6:04 pm. about to start making dinner.

Favorite board game? Taboo doesn't count, so Scrabble.

Favorite magazine? Time maybe. but I do like occasionally going through some of the girly ones like Vogue (not the gossip ones though)

Babies? adoption. if I love him enough, yes.

Favorite smell? the mountains. or roses - 'mil flores' is my favorite perfume. very light, refreshing but not morning wear, sophisticated but sweet.

Worst feeling in the world? Guilt

First thing you think of in the morning? Today will be a good day. then I make a plan in my mind while brushing my teeth or showering and don't follow through.

How many rings before you answer the phone? at least 4. sometimes never. but if it's a returned call, asap.

Future child's name? this always changes, but: girl - Aicha, boy - Jahan

Favorite color? green

What is most important in your life? being a suitable role model for the kids I raise

Favorite food? Roti and Dal Makhni. Rasmalai.

Instrument you wish you could play? tabla! never had the opportunity, but Penn has a tabla class XD

Do you like to drive fast? it gives me a feeling of freedom and control like nothing else

Sleep with a stuffed animal? no, but I don't use pillows and still sleep with them (I put them on the side and use them if I read in bed).

First car? 1986 Toyota camry. a mini cooper would be awesome for when I eventually need a car.

Person from your past that you wish you could go back and talk to? no one my own past

Favorite alcoholic beverage? margaritas, rum, flavored vodka, strawberry daiquiri

Any job, without regard to salary? archaeologist or ninja

Ever been in love? not in love, but I've liked only one person a certain amount. others have been just crushes. over it now.

What's under your bed? fake plastic trees that I bought from a rubber man. no, just drawers that are part of my bed frame.

Greatest ambition? to find meaning in my accomplishments and work

Greatest weakness? Fear and timidity

If you could build a house anywhere...? in the mountains, surrounded by lakes, trails, and trees

Favorite article of clothing? sweater-vest

Beach, mountains, city, or country? mountains, near a city...? heh.

Technology or art? Technology AND art. technology with art.

Comedy or horror? comedy only because quality horror is extremely hard to find. I'm not about the gory stuff. I love psychological horror.

Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex? shoulders and upper body in general

Favorite time of the day? sunrise

Favorite place to be massaged? shoulders and upper back. my lower back is ticklish... which has made for some interesting massages

Strong in mind or strong in body? the former comes with the latter, or at least is increased by it

What time do you wake up? I like to rise before the sun, but now I try to be up by 7:30, and 10 on days when I'm in after 4. I strive for 7 a night.

Favorite kitchen item? kettle

What angers you? When my efforts are futile

Do you belive in the afterlife? no

Favorite season? used to be winter, but I like them all.

If you could have one super power, what would it be? to make people happy

Do you have a tattoo and what is it? no - but if i did, it would be a colored one on my shoulder. maybe a strawberry from Across the Universe

Can you juggle? no but I can do the harlem shake and almost do the worm haha

Favorite day? Monday's hope and Friday's dope

Favorite soap? Dove. I like bar soap, not liquid gels and stuff.

If you could vacation anywhere in the world...? spend a year exploring Russia. so much depth. so many secrets. so intriguing.

What time is it now? 8:15 pm. cooked dinner, ate, did the dishes.

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 15:20:55 GMT

Answer using ONLY one word!

1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your significant other? Shajan
3. Your hair? dirty
4. Your mother? picture
5. Your father? gentle
6. Your favorite thing? touch
7. Your dream last night? nightmare
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? explore
10. The room you're in? cold
11. Your fear? undesired
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Paloalto
13. Where were you last night? his bed
14. What you're not? studying
15. Muffins? vomit
16. One of your wish list items? wisdom
17. Where you grew up? VC
18.. The last thing you did? pills
19. What are you wearing? fleece blanket
20. Your TV? huh
21. Your pet? no
22. Your computer? satisfying
23. Lonesome? yep
24. Your mood? unenthused
25. Missing someone? not overwhelmingly
26. Your car? sister
27. Something you're not wearing? hat
28. Favorite Store? um
29. Your summer? hhahaa
30. Favorite color? green
31. When is the last time you laughed? youtube
32. Last time you cried? my TA was nice to me
33. Who will/would re-post this? nobody
34. Four places I go over and over? 1920s, rooftop lounge, library, starbucks
35. Four people who e-mail me? mom, dad, sister, fb messages
36. Four people who call me? mom, dad, sister, zoe
37. Place I would rather be right now? under the sea
38. Four people I think will respond: nobody. we went over this.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 04:06:06 GMT

I miss this. cannot wait for spring rugby.

now I need to go study. after wasting 4 hours after our freshman experience dinner.

most freshmen have like 3 finals, and being an engineer, I have 5. ugh.
I need to bury myself in the deep corners of the library tomorrow, only leave for review sessions and the wonderful study breaks with free food.

ah, and I might be going to Miami for spring break with my roommate.. that was thrown in the air today. thinking about the future takes up too much of the present.
related sidenote: I set my screensaver to 3 minutes, so that I always catch myself daydreaming. it's quite amusing how many times it starts and makes me whirl back to reality. so far, it's kept me productive.

a quote that Cathy shared today: "When in love, a guy becomes timid, and a girl becomes bold." paraphrased, but you get the idea. thought it was sweet.

I missed today..

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 21:00:12 GMT

I woke up at 2pm. I had never slept past 12, and almost never past 10am.
I missed a beautiful morning. I love mornings. I didn't see the sun rise, and now there is no more sun here. just smog. the street lights are on. I watched K3g and cried a shitload. I realized how much getting married means to me, but obviously it's a bit early for that; I really want to just "grow up." I'm taking Punjabi next semester, and I might try and learn Hindi using Rossetta Stone. I'm taking steps, here, aight? yeah. I miss Indian everything. not enough cool Indians here. I downloaded Rang de Basanti, but it didn't have subtitles so I almost cried. I am so out of touch. it's almost miserable. and this is my crappy day talking..

I heard Mario last night... I thought I did, and then found out that was in fact in our hall (he parties with the sophomores who live across from us) but I was getting ready to go out and missed them by 5 minutes. very upsetting. Friday was just annoying - I had to see my professor so I didn't see him. and there were like 4 on campus parties last night. overcrowded and not enough alcohol. I came in at like 2, hung out and went to bed around 5.

OK, so I really need to clean this mess I'm living in and start studying while roommates turn our common room into winter wonderland. maybe the Narnia soundtrack will help me achieve this. battle music rocks. *self-motivates*

hope everyone else's weekend is fruitful.

Mmm'bop

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 06:32:38 GMT

so it's been a while... I'm obviously now in Philly, living with three other roomies. I love Philly. nowhere near as cool as NYC, but fun. Not that I go out into the city enough, but I've been out to a few places that I've really liked, especially for happy hour specials.

Penn is pretty chill. not what I expected, but everything is good for the most part. I've met people I really love, really can't stand, and really don't care about. it's great, because there just so many people!
Right now, I'm not working as much as I did senior year of high school, but I'm passing all my classes. Next semester will be better. I will only party as a reward to myself. I'm excited about becoming more industrious. truly.

Tonight I saw Legally Blond the musical... which was... interesting? I had a latte with three shots of espresso beforehand, so during intermission I ran up and down the stairs twice (we were in the amphitheater seats). I didn't really expect to like it very much (I went because of the discounted price) so I wasn't disappointed. I would have rather done many other things, but it was entertaining, I won't lie. After that, I died a little watching Buffy with the roomies (haha yeah... I know).

Tomorrow I have my last physics quiz of the semester, and reading days start next week. no more classes! but I'm a bit sad that my last jazz class was today... I really loved it. But there's always the final. hah. it's actually my worst class of all.
Also, tomorrow I have a lunch date (?) and I don't know what to expect or anything. I'm basically in love with this guy, but we are both mainly interested in random hookups, but he might actually be someone I could be with; I met him on the bus to NYC and we talked and flirted and explored for 4 hours straight. we'll see.

So... it's late, and I'm tired, and so much has been going on and there is a ridiculous amount of stuff to do all over the place. Thanksgiving break was nice because I got to step back a bit and not be overwhelmed (only to come back to confront my chem midterm...)... though I ran into some issues then too. Word of advice: don't hook up with people you know and will come into lots of contact with if it's just for fun.

I've established my values and boundaries much more in college, which I'm glad about. I'm more sure of myself and now ready to rush! wish me luck!

(I haven't written anything in ages... I feel kind of deprived. so many problem sets, but I feel like I can't write anymore... *sadness*)

alright... this a crappy entry, but at least I wrote. good night.

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:54:02 GMT

I'm forgetting people, names, everything - all over the place. including LJ. sorry about the neglection.

Anyway, the family reunion was pretty dull, but living upstate is really not so bad. I definitely see the appeal of really big, cheap houses.

Lake George is frickin' awesome.

Katie left for Alaska. Work is... so much better. I no longer look forward to it because I have so much other stuff to do, though. Oh well, I like the guys and running around all day, I must admit. I broke my watch chasing John yesterday. so upset, but it was really my fault. I've just had that watch forever and I REALLY love it. I have a stupid watch tan and I'm always looking at my wrist expecting time now. lol.

I went dorm shopping. It was awesome. It only took like an hour.
I need lots of other random stuff - especially for PennQuest.. plus just clothes and stuff in general (ugh).

Why is summer so NOT relaxing. I've been reading Anna Karenina for like 4 weeks now. Totally not finishing my list. I'm starting to look forward to "Your Inner Fish" though, by a UChicago professor who's gonna discuss his paleontology work with us as discussion thing for freshmen. (Seb - his name is Niel Shubin. idk if you're interested, but he seems chill.)

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to Six Flags and want to go to the Ren Faire, but I don't think that's happening anymore. oh well. oh and my family and I might go on a cruise right before I go to college. talk about a busy (but exciting) late August.

I forgot

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:55:33 GMT

my mom came home! she was in Albany for work stuff for a week, so it was just me and my dad. I need to spend mad time with her this weekend. I'm working from 8:30 to 4:30 tomorrow though. *sadness* at least the weekend means more tips. heh.

hello, hello, hello

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:51:26 GMT

I had forgotten all about LJ.
but I'm back now... lol.

the past two weeks have been alright - I've mostly been at the field club falling in love with Donnie and the other cool cats up there. I was very into it for a while, but I've lost momentum now and I just want to read. I've been socializing here and there, nothing spectacular (I discovered cheesecake pancakes during brunch with some cats).

The highlights of my summer seem to be: swimming with Charlie, reading good literature, and twirling Ken around my finger (because we just have that sort of relationship).

I loved East of Eden - a lot of the adults at the field club kept asking me how I like it so far and stuff, and now they're asking me about Anna Karenina (which I'm reading now) - it's cute.
When I went to the library, I got the three books on my reading list that I'd most like to read - Anna Karenina, the Brothers Karamozov, and Moby Dick. I have until 8/18 to read all of them, lol, and they're all over 600 pages. And I basically have no time to read, because I should socialize after work (this is kind of bad, because I feel obligated to be social - I don't actually want to... I like being alone, and being around people all day makes me so... blah).

Anyway, my laptop search is going well. I'm looking at ThinkPads, ASUS, and Sager. I'm not sure which Thinkpads I'm into - but there is one spectacular ASUS, and two snazzy Sagers:
http://1toppc.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=M50VM-B1&Category_Code=AS15
http://www.xoticpc.com/custom-gaming-latops-tablets-clevo-sager-laptops-ct-95_51_162.html (the np2096 and np8660)
cannot wait to get my hands on one of those beasts.

I hope your summer is more gangster than mine.

July 5th?

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:52:58 GMT

THEY FINALLY MOVED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Crazy happy.
Yesterday was pretty cool - the langar went really well but we have a ton of food left over. I was surprised at how simple the whole thing was, but I still think it's a miracle that I didn't chop off any of my fingers. Though I didn't see any fireworks yesterday, I saw some the night before when I was getting food for the langar with me mom. They were brilliant =]

'I'm beginning to like working at the field club because the people around me, for the most part, are interesting. Also, there's almost always something to do if I just look for it (because we have lunch and snack rushes just as well as we have lulls). Because I'm so productive while working, and not at home, I always look forward to work.

I finished reading The Alchemist - one of the best books I've read. I reread Being there, and now I'm reading East of Eden, something I've been wanting to read for quite a while. Of course, I asked Katie who Abel and Cain were and needed a retelling of the Adam and Eve story, but I think I'll figure out all the symbolism... lol. Next is Ragtime, The Brothers Karamozov, Moby Dick, The Perks of Being a Wallflowers, White Noise... and the list goes on.

I think I might be seeing Wall-E today with Zoe, and it looks like such a cute movie - I can't wait. Till then, I shall upload all my Botanical Garden pictures onto DA (hah yeah I'm slacking), research some cool laptops (no longer getting a Mac, but a Windows because of some weird thing for engineers at Penn *saddness*), clean my room, and maybe go swimming. we'll see, but I'm beginning to really like summer.

I have my high school diploma

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:50:03 GMT

which makes me happy. I saw it coming, but the ceremony and everything was really nice.

ayayay graduation parties.
work at the field club isn't so bad. I'm still reading the Alchemist because I'm so busy.
Celina is back.
Project Graduation was lame but fun - kind of like prom. I won a prize from the raffle as I was walking out the door, hehe.
I've been sick, which sucks. I have the worst post nasal drip ever.
I watched lots of Disney movies the other day and had spooky nightmares.
I feel listless...

I just want summer to be three weeks long so that I can go to college already.

Yay!

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:24:02 GMT

In accordance with Ali Ababwa'a post, prom was a bit lame, but still really fun. Everyone looked amazing! They music got better as the night wore on, and eventually we got kicked out, haha. Then we went to Zoe's, dressed, found Celina's bathing suit (lol), and left for Harriman.

Cabin-ing was really cool, and it was soooo beautiful at Lake Sebago. The water was amazing, and I had one of the best (if short) swims I've ever had. the only thing was the seaweed... haha. But I canoed for the first time, and we had nice little meals on the patio. It was very relaxing, and as we left, it started pouring ridiculously hard. Matt and I probably got into almost 5 accidents (but I was in the fast lane... so my judgment might also be in question).

Anyway, it was all pretty perfect, and I got home before my curfew of 8 on Saturday, and woke up on Father's Day ready to make a fruit tart from scratch, finish season 2 of Lost, and begin reading The Alchemist.

Since then, I've been working my ceiling tile for art, wondering I'm such a confused little girl, reading, and thinking about college.
Today, I applied for PennQuest, an outdoors adventure trip that begins three days before orientation. In my application, I made up a story about I'd do traveling the world in all the different type sof weather and with pirates and Loch Ness should I encounter them in my travels. It was so much writing the essay (let's just see if I get in, bevause the programs are really competitive). The other pre-orientation programs are Pennacle (leadership), PennCorps (volunteers service), and PennArts.
Yesterday, I bought all my bedding, towels, and lots of basic stuff for my dorm. I'll be sharing the double with a girl from Miami first semester, and we'll be taking the singles second semester.

So I start working this weekend, but I have a graduation party at 7:30 on friday, the midnight run Friday night, and work early on Saturday, and a wedding all of Saturday (and of course, the reception at night), so I will be ridiculously busy his weekend.

Oh, and I'm seeing Aladin with Zoe today, and later seeing Bill Clinton speak at Radio City with Ken. I love summer.
And Davy comes back from Wisconsin on Satuday =]

oh noes!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:35:14 GMT

yesterday went well. For obvious reasons, but also I'm glad that I did the economics final project, because I really liked my idea and presentation. Analyzing my whole year and my own reasoning was interesting, and I think I learned a good deal. The presentation was a good way to conclude senior year, because it pretty much wrapped everything up, with a nice bow on top. that sort of thing, anyway.

yesterday did not go well. The reason for this is much less obvious, and in trying to explain, I find myself incredibly unhinged. I feel empty and soulless. Shouldn't I be happy? yes. Shouldn't I feel something? yes. Why am I so dead, then???

today went well. I'll be going on a midnight run sometime soon and AP art is going to Botanical Gardens. I got out of both calc and gym and had some nice free time for the thoughts in my head to free fall.

today was a bit sad. Mrs. Vicki is retiring. Mrs. Foisy hates my guts. prom is tomorrow... that means high school is over. I should be happier. The end of the year is soo anticlimactic.

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Butterflies

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 23:36:57 GMT

I'm feeling very content. I finally decided on a prom dress (yesterday with our little prom fashion show after swimming at High Tor) and today was just nice. I didn't really do anything. Yesterday was exciting, today was relaxing (but no longer will be because I have lots of crap to do, including the econ project that I'm putting Ken's name on in exchange for him doing my gov take-home test).

Today was hot and sweaty, but the scholarship luncheon was alright and I got a few kicks of laughter from the dedicated members and their happy dollar donations. I found the Rotary Club quite interesting: like an 'Engineers without Borders' for local businesspeople. coolness.

Before that, I went to Mo's with Ken, who got me out of art (I desperately need to finish my tile), but we got Ms. Alter iced coffee so it was okay, and then I went to calc and my brain was dead so Jon Kramer discreetly told me how to solve the 2x3 matrix on the quiz. LOL.

Afterwards, I went to gym, which Ken got me out of, and he also found the yearbook that I had lost (oops), and talked me into driving and he and Graham to Didier Dumas (free iced coffee refills, yay! -but I became so very dehydrated) and later made me question my political beliefs (what else is new).

After the luncheon, Davy and I went thrift shopping for a necktie, which was fairly successful though we ended up at the mall. We lazed around my house in the lovely air conditioning, and now I need to do economics... and I'm procrastinating. arrggg.

Unhappy June

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:29:52 GMT

well, today kind of sucked. my art tile is stinking like the girl's locker room, my car in physics is more desperate than ever, I don't know what to do for senior cut day because I'm not the biggest fan of beaches, I'm just feeling down and a bit depressed and therefore antisocial. and I have lots of hw (WTF) - gov project should be easy, I still have a take-home test, I have calc problems, and I never went over the one act that Zoe and I are doing for English. phew.
ML's return policy is store credit only! I got a necklace for $60, but found a better one at Macy's for much less. hah... and the world keeps keeps turning....
life... ugh.
For a while I was really psyched about prom and graduation and these last weeks of school, but now I feel apathetic. I just want it all to be over. The rush is greater than ever before, and by this point, I'm just sick of it all. I want out. NOW.

(and I started watching LOST and I love it. the only thing that's actually made me happy for a while, or at least forget my issues. aboo.)

Happy June

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 07:23:43 GMT

Accent was alright. My CD didn't work for some reason, so I used a song off of Udit's iPod that I had never heard before, and completely winged it - beyond freestyle. I hope it was okay. Oh well, shit happens.Oh, and for my favorite part of the fashion show, Tokyo Drift, becaus ethe song was on my CD, we didn't have it and used something else... aboo. It was so sad.

After Accent, we all went over to Jilliane's and I became addicted to pool. It's so much fun, hehe.

Anyway, good night!

summer is here, kind of

Sat, 31 May 2008 13:52:53 GMT

I have very little to do these days - I do much lazing around the house. But it's a sign that summer is coming. What also helps is the fact that I finally bought a super cute bathing suit, that prom (camping!) is coming up, and I suspect my tile tile (final project) for art will come out really well - I'm doing a wind scene with crazy hair and a flying dress.

Yesterday was Coffee House, but I missed it =(
I'm sure everyone did wonderful, but I'm a bit bummed that I missed Ali and Laura's performances.

And today is Accent, and once again, I pretty much have nothing prepared. and I really don't want to do it this year for some reason. I'm quite disillusioned with the club, and none of my friends can make it. aboo. ahhh, well, wish me luck! hah, I'll need it.

I need a necklace for the dress I plan on wearing to prom. The only one I have that would possibly match is a bit gaudy. I hear Color Swirl is really good, so I need to check it out.

So.... I need to pick up my grades. I need to do a test for gov that sucks ass, need to figure out my paper car for physics because it's a hopeless chunk of duck tape right now, and worry about scholarships and getting a job. Yesterday, after getting Pizza with Ali and Celina, I applied to almost every place in Nyack. The day before I had gone to Olive's, O'Malley's, and Reality Bites. Yesterday I went to the Hudson House, Bourbon Street, La Lanterna, the health foods store, the European chocolate store, the Art Cafe, Gracie's Ravioli, the Rainbow Place, Didier Dumas, and probably a few other places that I can't think of right now. Hopefully someone will call me back, right?... right?????

Okay, gotta go decorate, cook, and iron clothing for Accent now.... ugh for a long day with too many Asians.

a seemingly general consensus

Wed, 28 May 2008 02:42:08 GMT

is that this week sucks.
There is so much to do. I really want to see Ali and everyone else at the Coffee House, but I'm not so sure it'll work out that way... and ACCENT is always a bigger mess than I think it will be. and it looks pretty messy right now.

I have absolutely no idea of what I'd like to paint on my ceiling tile for art - which will be my final for the class. All the other tiles are so cool, so it's kinda intimidating. *pulls out sketchpad* nahhh.... wait I have hw.

hopefully after the physics final, which is tomorrow (which Graham is smart enough to skip out on and never make up?), we won't have any busy work. Rampa is loading us with lots of matrix stuff that we learned last year, but it's still time consuming and just plain annoying. Today I had to go to the BC period to make up a quiz on it (easy, but again, annoying), wasting a good period of free time (not really because I have other hw).

I'm excited about the English project though - Zoe and I plan to do this comedic one-act (which is unfortunately quite long but nonetheless, well, comedic..)

What else... ah, the extended family is FINALLY moving out!!! They're leaving in the beginning of July, but at least I have a time frame! My precious downstairs will be all mine now... they're going to Chicago and I can't wait. But once summer starts, life will be even more hellish because I'll be with them... in my house... without my parents or sister (summer classes, yay). Fuck and I still haven't found a job.

I got really into Ragtime today. Love. Now I just need time to get past the second chapter.

Well, that was a lovely rant.

OHH one more thing. I miss mock trial. get-together on Thursday for Stephanie's birthday, and plus I'm receiving a scholarship at a luncheon that day as well. and today I found out that I'm getting a $3,000 scholarship! I heart interviews (though I was caught in the rain). I had gone after Accent practice, when there were beautiful rainbows everywhere and the tennis courts looked awesome.

Now I feel a bit better.. lolz.

Richard

Thu, 22 May 2008 15:43:57 GMT

I need to call him back about working for Westchester's parks department this summer. I wanted to work in town though... aboo. Apparently the government will pay me well, so I guess I don't mind so much.

So last night we finally decided on prom plans and I'm pretty excited. lol, Matt plans on getting super drunk. Like, he's stoked about it.
We had been soo indecisive but now I need to figure out what I'll wear. I have this green dress that looks like an optical illusion (I bought it while in Spain so its super unique : ) as well as my sister's prom dress, which is a bit small but I think that only I'll think so, and its really shiny... but its brown. Or I could always buy another dress.

I also really need a bathing suit. Lost mine... so at the hotel in Albany I had to borrow one of Suzanna's. I hate bathing suit shopping.

I miss mock trial already. But I do have a few things coming up next week to keep me busy:

-ACCENT is Saturday night (after Coffee House on Friday), so I need to prep a bit for that even though I'm freestyling. I'm kind of out of phase with Indian music right now. Especially since I can't understand most of the music. I was going to do an interpretive dance, but Thea thought something more upbeat would add breadth to the show as a whole, which I understand. So, basically, get ready for a repeat of last year's performance.

-Art for Art's Sake is on Thursday! before the concert at 6pm and everyone should come... because art is cool. okay? Also, I'm not sure if I want to design a T-shirt for Project Graduation or help with our... what's it called.. mural.. no. whatever. painting thing. That would be awesome.

-what else... hm.. oh, right, I have a ton of hw this vacation and I have B's in like 4 classes. I'm upset with myself but I've already made my choices. Speaking of which, the AP grade report that I'm so anxious about should be interesting.